


A Pretty Girl With Sad Eyes

by Magichemistry



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Depression, F/M, Fluff, Suicide, force connection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 19:13:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14503653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magichemistry/pseuds/Magichemistry
Summary: Request: hello! can I request a fic where the reader is with the resistance but has a force bond with kylo, and they soon start to have a forbidden relationship but kylo ends up convincing her to join him with The First Order? thanks :)





	A Pretty Girl With Sad Eyes

Some people say that there’s a high chance that someone is staring at you if you wake up around 2 or 3 in the morning. This is called the witching hour when ghosts and spirits are most active and their presences are felt more strongly.

Luckily for Kylo, he’s not one of those dumb superstitious people so he enjoys his sleep without worrying about ghosts or spirits every night. Every night but tonight.

He wakes up before he opens his eyes, he feels a little disoriented but then he remembers he’s in his quarters, in his bed, covered by his blankets. He blinks slowly and shakes the sleep off of his eyes. He feels an odd anxiety on his chest, he has the feeling somebody is watching him. But that’s impossible because he always sleeps alone and no one has the code to enter his quarters.

He turns around from his left side and his eyes find a girl sitting at the edge of the bed. She has his body a little twisted to observe him and her legs hang off of the bed.

“Hello,” you say.

Kylo’s first instinct is you’re an intruder, so he jumps off the bed and stands in front of you, he stretches his arm toward you, his hand into a fist and attempts to choke you.

But you stay impassable, you just blink and stare at him. You seem real, Kylo thinks, although there’s a sad look on your face.

When he sees the Force doesn’t work, Kylo reaches for his lightsaber, that lays next to his bed, and he stabs you. You flinch a little at the sudden attack but you lower your gaze to your chest where the lightsaber pierces. You feel no pain and there’s no blood, you wiggle a little your upper body and realize the blade of the lightsaber breaks through you like you were invisible, it causes you no harm.

“Are you a Force ghost?” Kylo asks. It’s the only explanation he thinks of.

“No, I don’t think so” you answer and your voice is like your gaze. Melancholic, a little lost.

“Who are you? What are you doing here?” he whispers but it’s evident he’s mad. He’s sweating even though he didn’t do any physical effort.

“My name is (Y/N)” you say and then look around you. “It’s like I woke up here, but I don’t remember what I was dreaming or when I went to sleep”.

“That’s not possible. You must be some kind of ghost”, Kylo is convinced about it.

“I’m not a ghost” you get mad and grind your teeth. “I’m alive, I just don’t know how I got here”.

“Where are you from?”

“I don’t know”

“Do you work for the First Order?”

“I don’t know”

“Is there’s something you know?!” Kylo explodes because he’s getting no answers.

“I don’t know!” you yell and tears form in your eyes. Before he woke up, you weren’t thinking about all of these. You were content with just watching him sleep.

“What’s going on?” he walks from one side to another one. He woke up and found a girl sitting on his bed. The Force isn’t telling him anything, he can feel your signature so you must be right about you’re alive. But the channel in which he senses you is full of noise and static.

You opt to stay silent because the only answer you have for all his questions is “I don’t know”. You only know your name, you’re sure about it and that you’re alive. Although… do ghosts know they’re dead people?

“Oh, Maker. Do you think I died and I haven’t noticed it?” you tug your chest and panic rises. If you’re dead, why you’re still here in this life?

“No, I don’t think so. I can feel your Force signature. Barely, but it’s there” he explains to you and kneels in front of you. “I wanna see something”.

You stay very still as his eyes analyze you, he lifts his right hand to your face, and inch by inch, he gets closer. Until the tip of his fingers brush your cheek.

“Do you feel that?” he asks in a murmur. He can feel your warm skin, but how? If the lightsaber didn’t do any damage, how his fingers can touch you?

“Yes,” you breath out as you feel the softness of his fingers.

Kylo’s eyes trace your face and he sees a deep sadness buried in you. It’s like you gave up but your soul forgot to abandon your body.

“What are we going to do?” he says and unintentionally, his fingers caress your cheek.

“You can go to sleep, maybe next time you wake up I won’t be here” you suggest. You have no idea how to leave but if you appeared from nothing, perhaps you’ll disappear the same way.

“I suppose”, Kylo admits he doesn’t have a better idea. He gets up from the floor and returns to the space at the bed where he was sleeping. You watch closely each of his movements.

“Are you going to stare at me as I sleep?” he says with his back turned to you. He feels your eyes on him, even if he’s not seeing you.

“I don’t think I can’t fall asleep, what else am I supposed to do?”

“Nevermind” he sighs. This must be a dream, a really vivid dream where a pretty girl with sad eyes is the protagonist.

After a long moment of silence, Kylo feels how the mattress dips down on his back and your arm surrounds his waist. He also feels your face snuggling at the back of his neck. You feel like a real person, but you appeared from nowhere and it seems you can’t remember anything.

“At least this way I won’t stare at you” you excuse your behavior. After Kylo made you realize you basically don’t know anything about your life, you felt an absence and emptiness inside of you.

“Just let me sleep” he groans but he lays his hand on top of yours.

* * *

When it dawns and Kylo’s alarm rings non stop, he lets out a growl and hides his face in the pillow. As conscience returns back to him, he remembers last night.

“Shitty dream” he curses first thing in the morning. You felt too real but he notices he’s alone in bed.

“Good morning,” you say and Kylo jumps off scared. You’re standing at the front of the bed, with your arms clasped behind your back and that same sad smile.

“You… you’re real!” he exclaims and walks to you.

“I think we already agreed on that” you scoff and Kylo’s hands palm you, touching you everywhere. “Hey, watch your hands!”

“I don’t have time for this” he shakes his head in denial. He’s Supreme Leader, he doesn’t have time to deal with weird stuff.

“You have things to do? Can I come with you?” you inquire.

“No” he barks at you and walks to his closet.

“Why not?” you follow him.

“I don’t have time for this nonsense”

“I’m not non-sense” you lower your head to the floor. Somehow, those words really hurt. He referred to you as if you weren’t important.

“That’s not what I meant” he stops dressing and grabs you by the arms. Your face got sadder than normal when he said that. “You can stay here while I figure out what’s happening”.

“But…” you say thoughtfully. “I think we’re supposed to be together. I don’t know why but I think I’m here to be with you”.

* * *

You walk next to Kylo, trying to keep up with his long strides. Both of you realize no one on this ship can see you. Kylo is the only one who can. If some officer gets in your way, they walk through you. A chill runs your body, you starting to doubt if you’re really alive and not a ghost.

“Can I hold your hand?” you ask full of fear. You don’t like this feeling of being invisible.

“Yes,” he says between teeth. He doesn’t want anybody to think he has gone insane and he talks alone.

“Thank you,” you say and grab his hand. It feels huge as your hand tries to surround it. Kylo just keeps walking but there’s a half-smile formed on his lips.

* * *

You accompany Kylo to all his tasks and activities, you keep quiet at his side because you sense he doesn’t wanna talk to you. You met an obnoxious guy called General Hux and some lieutenants. You don’t know what Kylo does but he must be highly respected. Midmorning he asks you if you’re hungry but you say no, you don’t need to sleep or to eat. You’re just here, existing without a purpose.

Then, in the afternoon, you sit with him at his office as he goes through several documents and holopads. He’s looking for an answer to what’s happening you.

“Nothing” he sighs tired and falls back in his chair. “There’s not a single thing that can explain this”.

“I’m sorry, if I could remember something maybe it could help” you feel bad that you’re useless.

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep looking” he pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his tired eyes for a second. When he opens them again, the chair you were sitting is empty.

“(Y/N)?” he says out loud but he receives no answer. He looks under the table and in some cabinets but he’s all alone. He returns to his chair and stares at the chair you were. Did you leave on purpose? Or your birthplace dragged you back? Either way, he discards his reading material. He doesn’t need it anymore.

* * *

“Hello” you greet him when he returns to his quarters. He stares at you, deciding if you’re real or his mind wanted to see you again.

“Where did you went?”

“I don’t know” you shrug and sit on the bed.

“You don’t know? Well, what did you do? You must have an idea”

“I don’t. It’s like I disappear and I only exist when I’m with you” you explain what doesn’t even make sense to you.

“How did you get in?”

“I just was here, I don’t know” you laugh at how clueless you are. “Why? Did you miss me?

“You wish” he snorts and proceeds to take his shirt off to change into comfier clothes.

* * *

“Perhaps you can lay like last night so I don’t have to feel your stare. It’s awkward” Kylo tells you as he sits in the middle of the bed. You’re sitting like last night, at the edge of it.

“You’ll get used to it” you answer bored.

“Your back will hurt for being in that position”

“I don’t feel physical pain” you retort.

“Okay! Can you please lay beside me? I like it” he says without looking at you. It’s been only a day you’ve been with him and he’s already longing for your touch.

“You only needed to say it” you snicker as you climb on the bed.

“You’re cruel to me” he pouts and lays on his right side so he faces you.

“Just like you are with me”, your hand goes to his head and you’re thankful you’re able to feel his soft thick hair.

“Where did you go this afternoon? Why the Force keep connecting us?” he whispers. How you were gone and then back with no explanation?

“I don’t know”

“Are you sad? I can see it in your eyes”

“A little. More than sadness I feel empty, forgotten. No one besides you can see me. If it weren’t for you I wouldn’t exist. It’s sad” you twist your mouth, you’re depressed that you’re basically nothing, you depend on another person to mean something.

“There must be a place on the vast galaxy where you exist, besides here. And you must be happy there, so that’s why you’re sad here” Kylo tries to console you. Such pretty delicate eyes shouldn’t be sad.

“That’s some nice words. You’re not so grouchy after all” you tease him and Kylo only chuckles. Your touch feels pleasant and your fingers are like a lullaby on his head.

“What do you think it would happen if I kiss you?” he suddenly asks and your hand on his hair stops.

“Probably nothing”

“Will you disappear or something?”

“You can try it and see” you throw the dare at him and he takes it without hesitation.

He puts his lips against yours and after checking you’re still here he starts to move. His hands slide up and down your body and you hold to him. As you tilt your head, his tongue pokes the entrance of your mouth and your own tongue receives him gladly. All your sorrows disappear as you’re pampered by his mouth.

“Mmm… funny” you say when the kiss is over.

“What?”

“When you kissed me, my sadness was gone. I even dare to say I feel a hint of happiness. But now that you’re not kissing me anymore, my sadness is back” you lick your lips as if you can taste that happiness.

“Let me make you happy again,” he says and leans to you.

* * *

“Kylo, we have to go to Deccol,” you say and clutch your chest. You’re with him in his office, another normal morning.

You’ve been together for several months now, you still have no clue what this connection means or where you from or what you’re doing with him. You still disappear for a couple of hours in the evenings. Kylo feels anxious that you won’t return but each time you welcome him back to his quarters.

“Are you mad? That’s a Resistance planet” he frowns at your weird petition.

“We have to! Please!” you stand up and pull his arm.

“Why? What’s wrong?” he struggles against your hold.

“I don’t know! But we need to go!” you cry out. The need to go there suddenly hit you, you know you have to leave now or you won’t arrive on time.

“(Y/N), we can’t arrive at that planet just because you want to. Please, understand” he tries to reason with you.

“No, you need to understand. Something terrible will happen if we don’t go” you grab his face and beg him.

“What will happen? Talk to me” he gets up from the chair and cradles you.

“I… I don’t know… but please, you have to believe me” you sob against his chest. The more you argue and stay here, the less time you have.

* * *

You’re crouched down at the little space left on Kylo’s TIE Fighter. He occupies most of the space but right now it doesn’t matter.

“Can’t you go faster?” you ask him.

“I’m going as fast as I can” he focus on the road. The trip was so abrupt and your urgency so big, you didn’t give him time to gather a stormtrooper squad to accompany you. It’s just you and him.

“Do you have any idea where to go when we arrive?”

“To their base, of course,” you say with no doubt. The more you approach the planet of Deccol, the more clarity you have.

“Maker, (Y/N), you’re going to get us killed” he sighs aware it’s too late to go back.

“You might get killed. Me, we’re not sure if I’m alive” you reply bitterly.

* * *

Kylo lands his ship in the middle of the forest, he didn’t want to land too close to the base because of the risk of being discovered. In addition, the trees are a good camouflage and so it’s easier to stay hidden. 

“(Y/N), wait” Kylo calls you but you’re already running towards the base. “Wait!” he pleads you.

“There’s no time, don’t you understand?” you scream without turning back.

“Wait” he grabs your arm. “They can’t do anything to you but they can to me. And if something happens to me, I can’t help you anymore. ”

“You’re right” you admit. Kylo is the only person in the galaxy who apparently can see you, therefore the only one who can help you.

“We’ll sneak out from the back. Don’t make any noise, stay behind me. I’ll handle it ” he explains and repeats it once more to make sure you understood.

“What do you think we’ll find inside?” Kylo asks as you walk stealthily a few feet away from the base. Nobody is seen outside or in the surroundings, but Kylo isn’t fooled. All security is inside.

“The truth,” you say and leave Kylo more intrigued.

* * *

Thanks to the Force, Kylo can open an old broken door, you have to kneel and crawl to get through it but you manage to enter the base. Through the corridors, there are several guards doing their surveillance rounds. But Kylo comes from behind and knocks them out with the flick of his wrist and the Force.  If he killed them, it’d be too suspicious, at least this way, they won’t know what happened and will believe they suffered from a brief fainting.

“Are you sure it’s around here? Shouldn’t we go to the operations center?” Kylo whispers while you guide him through the quarters’ area.

“I’m sure it’s around here, something is telling me” you assure him while you let your feet move by themselves and guide you.

“Do you know what we are looking for?” Kylo speaks in plural because even though you’re the most interest in getting answers, he has decided that you’re together in this adventure.

“Over here!” you rush off and Kylo loses momentarily sight of you as you turn around in a hallway. When he reaches you, he comes across with another hallway, shorter, where there’s only one door to the right and finishes with a wall at the bottom.

“It’s here” you look at him and Kylo takes a sharp breath when he sees your body dissolve in the air. He must have forgotten what time it was and it should be the moment when you usually disappear.

So now there’s only one door left and Kylo. He stands in front of it and for a moment thinks about knocking, but it would be too stupid. What would he say?

Hello, I’m Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader and I came because the spirit of a pretty girl led me here.

He’s surprised when the door doesn’t have an access code, it’s enough that he presses the button next to it and it opens. As he enters he realizes that it must be the bedroom of only one person because of its size. There is a small bed in the back, an old sofa on the left and a small kitchen on the right. He inspects his surroundings more but everything is very impersonal, it’s as if someone had just moved in or left everything clean to leave.

Near the bed, on the right side, there’s a door that is supposed to be the bathroom. He walks there and in a few steps, he arrives. Did he travel hundreds of light years to enter a dirty bathroom in Deccol?

* * *

As he enters, his eyes go wide in shock. There’s a girl, kneeling in front of the bathtub with a knife in her hand. She has a pair of familiar sad eyes but she looks more solid than he remembers.

“(Y/N)…” Kylo breathes out, scared that this is only a vision and you’d disappear if he makes a brusque movement.

“Y-you? H-how do you know m-my name?” your voice trembles in terror as you see Kylo Ren, leader of the First Order in your bathroom.

“It’s me, Kylo” he smiles but he notices how your voice sounds mournful.

“I know who you are but how do you know me?” your eyes go wide and your hands shake. You let the knife fall to the floor and Kylo stares at it, comprehending everything.

“Are you going to kill me?” your bottom quivers as fear washes you over. You wanted to die but not like this.

“You do this everyday…”, his theory becomes more clear. “You do this every day at the same hour” he directs his gaze to the knife on the floor to you.

“How do you know it?” you whisper. No one has ever found out about your intentions.

“A part of you has been visiting me for the past months. That’s how I know you, at first I thought you were a ghost but I think in reality it was your depression, your misery, your sadness” he talks fast, trying to connect all his ideas. “But that part of you came back every day when you did this, that’s why you’ve been disappearing. You’ve been trying to kill yourself”.

“It’s none of your business…” you avoid his gaze and claw your nails on the palm of your hands.

“But today was different… why?” he wonders and kneels in front of you. This time he can feel completely in tune with your Force signature. “Ah, I see. Today you were actually doing it. Were you trying to slit your wrists?” he holds your hand and looks for damage but there’s none.

“Stop!” you flinch away. “Why do you care? Nobody cares! I’ve been feeling like this all this time and no one, not a single person has noticed it!”. You’re so tired that this cloud of darkness has remained with you.

“You are nothing to them. Nothing. But not to me. For some reason, you looked for me across the galaxy”

“I don’t know you! Go away!” you crawl on the bathroom to get away from him.

“Listen, listen to me, pretty girl with sad eyes” he doesn’t give up and hold your face. He wipes your falling tears with his thumbs. “I see you, I notice you, I care. Please, make an effort and remember me”.

“How did you call me?” you ask curiously at how familiar the pet name sounded.

“Pretty girl with sad eyes” he repeats. “You said that when I kissed you, you felt less sad”.

“Prove it” you murmur and close your eyes. Kylo puts his mouth over yours and you sigh as joy borns in the middle of your chest and spreads through your body like thousands of butterflies.

“Come with me. They don’t deserve you. I’ll make everything better” he promises you and you think for a moment what you have to lose.

It’s true the Resistance never treated you bad or were rude to you. But it’s like you’re invisible to them, doing meaningless tasks, feeling like a ghost because no one stops to look at you and asks if everything is fine.

“Will I matter to you?” you ask him. You wonder if he’s the one who will help you to make this numb go away.

“Always, more than anything else”, he stands up and offers you his hand. You choose to take it, leaving behind the knife, leaving behind this miserable place.

You’ve heard terrible things about this man, but if he’s lying, then, how did he find you? How did you know those personal things about you?

* * *

Kylo retraces the steps he took to arrive at you, the guards are still passed out so your escape is smooth.

“Should I leave a note?” you say. The wind outside refreshes your face and soul.

“No. Let them think the worst” he guides you to his ship and before you climb on he grabs your face one more time and promises you, “Pretty girl, I’m gonna change these sad eyes to dreamy eyes. Never again your soul will wander lost on the galaxy because it has already found me”.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi to me: tumblr.com/bad--bad--man


End file.
